Breaking Tradition
My first wedding anniversary is this month! Next weekend, Jonathan and I will celebrate one year of marriage, and what a year it has been. But I’ll get more into that next week. For this week let’s talk about the wedding itself.
Well before the idea of getting married was ever on the table I was obsessed with shows like Four Weddings, Bridezillas, and Say Yes to the Dress (Atlanta over the original, thank you) not because I dreamt of having a wedding but because I find weddings fascinating. There are so many dynamics at play. So many worries of pleasing others but also pleasing yourself. Do you go traditional? Do you throw tradition out the window? Do you elope? Every wedding is different because every couple and their entire situation is different and I love that.
When Jonathan and I got engaged in 2018 we didn’t know how our wedding would look but did know we wanted it to be small and chill. Pinterest was a treasure trove of ideas that were either astronomically out of budget or impossibly complicated and between our two families, nobody had thrown a wedding since the mid-90s so our moms weren’t really up to date on the way weddings have transformed in the last 25 years.
So, while our moms and my aunt were a tremendous help during the entire process, some of our choices lead to inevitable millennial v. boomer style arguments between me and my mom. When Jonathan and I wanted to go against traditional wedding elements my mom would push back with the only wedding knowledge she had…which was dated and not very us at all.
We didn’t throw all tradition out the window. I still wore a cute dress (that I got on sale), we had a giant cookie table that got demolished (a Pittsburgh wedding staple,) our guests sat at centerpiece adorned tables, my dad walked me down the aisle. And that’s pretty much where the tradition stopped.
First thing to go were traditional flowers. I love flowers and the bright colors they bring but couldn’t justify spending a bunch of money on something that would be dead by the end of the weekend. So paper flowers made the most sense. I was ready to start crafting them myself when my aunt, surprisingly, discovered a passion and extreme talent for making them. I told her the color scheme I was into and what I wanted for my bouquet then she took it from there with whatever else she wanted to make. They all turned out beautifully and she got compliments on them all night! I have my bouquet on display in my craft room and one flower that lives in my car. They all still look great and personally I think they were worth it…my aunt’s hands might think differently.
We didn’t get a DJ because honestly, they’re almost always kinda lame. We used Spotify premium and curated playlists for guest arrival, dinner, and dancing with songs that meant something to us or reminded us of moments in our relationship. It worked just as well as any DJ would have and gave guests a glimpse of our style as a couple. If you’re interested to see what we went with I included them at the bottom of this post!
There was no first dance, having people watch us say our vows hit our quota for being the center of attention even on our wedding day, but we did toy with the idea of a last dance after everyone left. Time got away from us so that never got to happen but real talk…I think more couples should do last dances. They’re private, they’re personal, and they’re a nice way to wind down and finish out your night.
Food was our biggest battle when it came to my mom and her attempt to go with us on our untraditional ride. Standard wedding food is boring. We all know it. We wanted Mexican food, nothing wild, just tacos, beans, rice etc. and a s’more’s bar instead of a cake. The s’more’s bar was an easy sell, cause wedding cakes are almost always meh. But the dinner food. My. God. We fought about it for months. Even after finally agreeing that Mexican food seemed like a good choice and coming with us to the restaurant we eventually chose to try their food, my mom took it upon herself to order “regular” food from another caterer to put on the buffet as well. There was no talking her out of it. At the end of the day, did it matter? Nope, it all got eaten. People were full and went up for seconds/thirds. So I guess, what more could we want?
Jonathan and I also saw each other the whole day. We had a lot of set up to do and were doing some photos before going to the venue so it was never even thought about to not be together all day. I know that’s not crazy out of the ordinary these days but I can’t recommend enough that you should just see your soon to be spouse all day leading up to your ceremony. It’s inevitable that you’re gonna have nerves. Why not allow yourself to see the person who, most likely, settles you the most? Why suffer through anxiety in the name of tradition?
Now, our biggest break from tradition came with the ceremony itself. We spent a few months trying to decide on our officiant but with neither of us being religious and both having a hard time deciding which friend or relative might be best for the job we went with another choice. Performing the ceremony ourselves! In Pennsylvania, a couple can get a self-uniting marriage license where all you need is two witnesses to sign with you, thanks Quakers! Deciding to run our own ceremony was the best thing we could have done. It was unique, it felt more personal, and the whole thing was done in like 7 minutes, no joke. If you live in one of the nine places that allow for self-uniting ceremonies, check it out and see if it’s right for you! Or give me a call and I’ll officiate, readers get a special rate!
Looking back, were there some things we could have done to make the day go smoother? For sure. Choosing a venue that was more helpful and had more amenities would easily top my list of re-dos as well as hiring a coordinator to take care of ushering the day along. Otherwise, our wedding day was very us. Not over the top, a little rebellious, and with just a splash of spookiness (we got married on a Friday the 13th after all.)
Weddings don’t have to all look the same. In fact they shouldn’t! Each wedding should reflect the couple getting married. If that means climbing a mountain and having it just be the two of you? Awesome. If that means rocking all the well known traditions like smashing cake in your face or doing garter tosses? Go for it. Maybe you just want to wear jeans and throw a backyard barbecue? Sign me up. Wedding shows, Instagram, and blogs make it easy to compare your special day to what other couples have done and can make you feel inferior cause that’s what media does. But at the end of the day, what you and your love choose to do doesn’t need to make anyone else happy. Start your life together in a way that makes sense for you as a couple. Tradition be damned….you know what I mean.
What was your wedding like? Did you buck tradition or did you go with the flow? Anything you would do differently if you had the chance? Let me know in the comments below!