Baby Fever
I held a baby last week.
I’m a 30 year old, married, child free woman, and I held a baby last week.
Bet you can guess how that went?
The fear. The uncertainty.
Fucking awful.
That baby was hella cute but the second he swapped from mom’s arms to mine, his binky shifted and all hell broke loose. There was fussing, there was crying, and that was just on my end. It didn’t take long for me to hand him back over.
Eventually, my husband (who wants me to make sure you all know he did great holding the baby) had me hold the little guy again after his arms got tired and it went a lot better. No fussing, no crying, binky firmly in place. Now this was the first baby I’ve held since I was 6 years old, so all in all…it could have gone a lot worse. Also…8lbs is surprisingly heavy.
Later, when my aunt heard about the baby snuggling her first question to my mom was “does Jodi have baby fever?” My mom laughed in her face.
This whole situation has really shown me that I am not really an infant/baby person. Kids can be cool, I’m currently working with a Pre-K class every afternoon and those kids are hilarious/exhausting/smart/creative/fun. They have little personalities that are starting to develop and, not to brag, I’m kind of a hit with them. Same goes for older kids, middle schoolers, and teens. I’m able to hold my own with a group of any of them without feeling intimidated or too terribly annoyed by their antics.
But babies? No thanks. They got the droopy necks, you’ve got to guess why they’re crying, and they stay shittin on themselves. I don’t need to be told that those feelings might/will change if I have a baby of my own cause ya know what? That’s not really a selling point to try and find out.
I’ve never really seen myself as a mom but more of like the fun aunt you hang out with every few weeks who gives you gifts and sugar and lets you do cool things your parents won’t. If I never have any kids of my own, I’m cool. I’m perfectly content experiencing the milestones and fun moments with my friends kids while receiving limited insight into the struggle of child rearing. Luckily I married a dude who feels the same way.
In the almost 6 months since we’ve gotten married we’ve been asked exactly 0 times when we’re going to start having kids and ya’ll, I’m grateful. To me that means two things:
We as a society are slowly moving away from the idea that women and married couples should be focused on procreating as soon as fucking possible
We’ve surrounded ourselves with a group of friends and family who truly understand who we are as people.
We are in no way, shape, or form prepared for a child. Plus, we’re super focused on making sure we’ve got a life we’re thriving in and happy with before we could even begin to think about creating a happy and thriving life for any offspring. Does that sound selfish? Oh well, it’s the truth.
But if we ever do hit that point where kids become part of the discussion, don’t expect to see any bonafide babies around these parts, older kids or bust!
So, are you baby person? Do you prefer kids that have a few years on them? Would you rather not interact with children at all? Maybe you like your own kids but don’t like the idea of dealing with someone else's?This is a judgement free zone, I want all your baby/kid hot takes!
Tell me about them in the comments below!