C’mon, Just One!
Why Are We So Judgey Toward Non-Drinkers?
Society loves a drinker.
I’m not talking about a full blown alcoholic (which if you think you or someone you love might have a problem with drinking check out these resources for help,) I’m talking about fun drinkers. Social drinkers. People who drink and loosen up and have a good time.
But for some reason, when a person is out with friends at a party or attending a work event and they turn down a drink, they get grilled with questions: you don’t drink? Why? Is something wrong? I can’t trust someone who doesn’t drink…C’mon, just one won’t hurt ya!
Now, as the holidays slowly begin to creep up on us and vaccines are making gatherings among friends and co-workers more likely for 2021 I want to see if we can understand why exactly we, as a society, are so judgey toward non-drinkers.
Right up front, I’m not a drinker. Never have been. I’ve been drunk less than a handful of times in my life and I feel fine about that. I personally don’t like the taste of alcohol and don’t really want to force myself into drinking something I hate just to fit in. It’s expensive and I just don’t find a lot of joy in it.
In my group of friends, this has never been an issue, no one has ever made a big deal about it. But usually, it’s unlikely to be the people who care about you most that raise such a fuss.
North Carolina University held a study in 2014 where they interviewed non-drinking professionals about attending social events for work. While they didn’t provide numbers they definitely included some interesting findings.
According to researcher Lynsey Romo who ran the study,
“We found professionals felt that being a non-drinker was a form of deviance. Because they did not want to miss out on the career opportunities that come from networking and socializing, or because attending such functions was a job requirement, non-drinkers developed a variety of strategies to attend social events without making themselves, their co-workers, or their clients feel uncomfortable”
I’m sorry, what?
The non-drinkers had to develop strategies to keep their drinking clients and co-workers from feeling uncomfortable??
Why is that the non-drinker’s concern? Why are people who choose not to drink, for whatever reason, the one’s deemed responsible for making sure their drinking counterparts don’t feel judged or embarrassed for drinking?
It’s obvious that the reason people who drink tend to be so judgey toward non-drinkers is out of insecurity. They judge the non-drinkers before or in an assumptive response that the non-drinker will be judging them for drinking. Just speaking from personal experience….a lot of non-drinkers do not give a shit if the people around them choose to drink. It’s not our business much like the non-drinkers choice not to drink is nobody else’s.
I guess 2014 was a big year to talk about non-drinkers because in an article I found on Elite Daily from that year, writer Paul Hudson kinda shows his ass in his attitude toward non-drinkers in a piece called “6 Reasons You Should Never Trust Someone Who Doesn’t Drink.”
In the article, Paul lists such compelling reasons as people who don’t drink aren’t willing to let their guards down, if they’re an “unpleasant drunk” it says “a lot about their character,” and my personal favorite…it’s just plain rude to turn down a drink!
Bruh, that is some vile shit.
You think someone turning out to be an “unpleasant drunk” says “a lot about their character?” But you don’t think it says a lot about their character if they realize they can turn into an unpleasant drunk and therefore make the responsible choice to just not drink at all? That says a lot more about you, Paul, than it does the person choosing not to drink.
People choose not to drink for a variety of reasons from medical, to dislike of taste, from being the designated driver for the night, or because they realize they have a problem with it. The point is it is nobody else’s business, ESPECIALLY strangers or business associates, why a person chooses not to drink.
We spend all of our time as children being told not to drink, that it’s bad for you, it can encourage you to make bad decisions, and while I obviously don’t think kids should be drinking it is absolutely WILD to me that once you hit over the age of 21, you become some sort of pariah for still not wanting to have a drink.
I could easily rant about this topic for a while but what it comes down to is this: the reason we as a society are so judgey toward non-drinkers is because of our own insecurities around drinking. I don’t know if some people who drink feel shame for doing so and therefore feel the need to lash out at those who don’t drink and call them buzzkills or lame or rude because of it but I can tell you that harassing someone who doesn’t want to drink because of their choice not to makes you an asshole.
If someone else not having an alcoholic drink in their hand at a party makes YOU feel like you can’t have any fun…I don’t know what to tell you, pal, it’s probably time to take a look inward and figure out if maybe YOU are the buzzkill of the party.
Okay ya’ll, let’s talk about it. Where do you stand on drinking vs not drinking? Does it matter to you if someone chooses not to drink? If you are someone who likes to drink, do you feel like you’ll be judged or have been judged by a non-drinker? Non-drinkers…have you ever been harassed for not drinking at an event? How did you handle it? Did you feel the need to lie about why you weren’t drinking and if you did, why? Sound off in the comments below!