They All Float Down Here

Did 60 Minutes in a Float Tank Leave me Salty?

Relaxing isn’t my thing.

Typically, I live in an almost constant state of stress or anxiety and there’s rarely a time during the day where I don’t have some sort of noise playing in the background because I prefer it to total silence. If I’m working, writing, reading, there’s always some sort of music or video or tv show playing that I’m totally ignoring.

So when my husband first brought up the idea of going to a float tank my initial thought was…that is very NOT for me.

If you’ve never heard of a float tank or aren’t sure what the deal is, let me tell you. A float tank involves, in this case, an 8ft by 4ft totally dark tank full of a few inches of body temp water filled with THOUSANDS OF POUNDS worth of salt that helps the person float instead of sinking to the bottom of the tank. It’s kind of like your own private version of the Dead Sea. And that’s it. There’s no light, there’s no music, just silence and your own being. Sensory deprivation is the name of the game. * This is strictly my experience in the float tank at the location I chose. Other places might have lights in the tank or music to some degree, just depends on where you go *

I forgot to take a full picture of my room but my husband got one of his

But, after some serious family stuff went down I thought what the hell? and found a deal for two to give the float tanks a shot. At best, maybe it could leave us feeling refreshed, zen, stress free, and inspired. At worst, we’d have an experience to share and a story to tell. Win - Win.

On the day of our appointment, we got to the studio early as instructed only to find the front door locked. Well fuck. Did they forget? The lights were on, someone had to be there! But nobody was in sight. So we went back to the car and waited…eyes trained on the windows looking for even the slightest sense of movement. FINALLY we saw a woman and rushed back out to the door for her to let us in.

For those who have never interacted with me in real life, I’m loud. I’ve got a naturally boisterous voice, just can’t help it. As the woman opened the door I gave my normal volumed “Hi!” and was greeted with the lowest of whispers of greeting in return. Oh, so it’s that kind of place?

The woman was very nice and a big believer in the power of the float however she let us know that the man who was scheduled before us…still hadn’t left his room. She had been trying to wake him up for the past 25(!) minutes and hopefully we weren’t in a hurry. We weren’t but also, what? Twenty-five minutes over appointment time is a lot of minutes over appointment time. Is this man okay? Is there no better way to make sure floaters are winding down and getting rinsed off than doing a polite little knock on the door?

Eventually, the float lady was able to get the guy up and out of the tank so it could go through its thorough cleaning process before one of us slipped in after him and ya’ll…this man was RELAXED. I mean I would think he’d have to be after having that 90 minute nap. He came out into the lobby, apologetic but more chill than I’ve ever seen anyone in my entire life and I know a fair amount of stoners. He was a first time floater and had nothing but good things to say about it…I’m not convinced he wasn’t just a plant put there to get us hyped for our first time floating.

When it was finally time to head to our rooms, we were given the low down on what to do. They provided disposable earplugs and petroleum jelly to put on any known wounds (cause y’all know about salt in wounds,) then you’d strip down naked (or in my case to sports bra and underwear) jump in the shower for a quick rinse in cooler water for general cleanliness and so your body would be better able to acclimate to the warm temp of the tank. Then you walk into the tank, shut the door and get immersed in total darkness. They also played music like you’d hear if you ever went to Natural Wonders in the 90s for the first and last 5 minutes of the float to ease you in and out of the experience. For the other 50 minutes it was complete silence. And I mean COMPLETE SILENCE. There was a room between my husband and I and I could still hear every single movement he made during our time.

Looking into the tank from the outside….there could be anything in there!

Real talk, I didn’t shut my door when I got in the tank. I just couldn’t do it. The room itself was lit mostly by a blue light so it wasn’t like I was messing up the experience with bright ass fluorescents, but I was not trying to panic in this tube and then be unable to find the door. Look at that picture! Look at the absolute abyss I was walking into! No thank you.

The warmth of the water was mildly unnerving when I stepped into the tank. They keep the temperature at the same as the average body temperature and I don’t think I’ve ever been in water the exact temp of my body. It was weird. Not unpleasant but weird. The salt also gave the water this odd slimy vibe that paired with the warmth made it feel like what I assume being in the womb was like, which I guess is probably the point. And y’all, the salt! So much salt. I’m a fat girl and I was absolutely floating, my butt only touched the bottom when I forced it to. I had to itch my cheek early in the float and 30 minutes later I could feel the stiffness from the amount of salt I had accidentally brushed onto my face as it dried.

Before

When I tell you this was the longest hour of my life. Complete silence and eyes closed I ping ponged off the walls of the tank just trying to relax. The least relaxing thing is telling yourself it’s time to relax. I wasn’t necessarily stressed I was just not necessarily relaxed either. First I was focused on not getting water in my ears so I was keeping my neck at an uncomfortable position but then realized, bitch they gave you earplugs…use them! When I actually let myself fully float it was a more enjoyable experience but then I couldn’t get over how quiet it was. Every splash in the tank was magnified and I kept trying to make the least amount of noise possible. I was on a countdown to when the music would start that signified I could get out.

Finally, after what felt like 30 minutes I sat up in my tank and leaned on the door opening. When I heard my husband sloshing around in his room shortly after, I giddily worked my way back out of the tank thinking if he’s getting out early then I can too! My salty ass (in all definitions) shuffled over to my phone where I discovered, to my surprise, it was 5 minutes to the end of our session and the music turned on right then. I couldn’t believe it. I had actually made it through pretty much the whole hour! I don’t know if I zoned out for a few minutes but I was genuinely surprised when I saw the time. But not too surprised to finish up and get the hell out of there.

After a float you’ve got to jump back in the shower to rinse all the salt off. They provide soap and shampoo that does almost nothing to help but worked enough to get dressed and head back out into the lobby where the lady from earlier gave us bottles of water and cups of tea and told us we could hang out until we were ready to face the outside world again. My husband and I threw back our tea, thanked our hostess, and headed out to debrief.

After…the joy of being back out of the tank

So can you guess what the general consensus was when we got back to the car? Yeah, not for us. My husband said he felt like giant fat baby slipping and sliding around in his tank while I spent my entire hour waiting for it to end. Do I think it could be an enjoyable experience for someone, I mean yeah obviously…that potential plant from when we first got there seemed to have a hell of a good time. But in this particular experience we both didn’t really love it. I’ve recently seen ads for another location in our city that appears to have tanks big enough for couples to go into together. And they may or may not stay lit/have music playing through out the experience. Nothing against the place we went, it was clean and the woman was friendly, but if I were to ever try a float tank again, I’d be heading to that other place.

Would I recommend the float tank? Eh. Based on my personal experience at this one place I went to this one time, I don’t think it’s for everyone. If you tend to get claustrophobic, if you have mobility issues (there were a few steps to get up into the tank and no railing inside the tank to make getting in/out easier,) if you don’t like the dark, then using a float tank probably won’t be for you. If you like the idea of having a tranquil hour with no noise or distractions then you could probably get a lot out of it. As for me, I’ll save my floating for the swimming pool with Spotify playing and a book in my hands.

Would you give a float tank a shot? Let me know why or why not in the comments!