2019:

We. Still. Here.

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I have been struggling to write this 2019 recap post for the last week and I couldn’t figure out why. 2019 man. It was a rough one. And then it hit me, maybe the reason I’m having trouble writing about the year is because the year I had was hard enough living through it once, why trudge through it again? 

2019 had a lot of potential and was a year I had been looking forward to, which is maybe why it being such a complete flop hit especially hard. This was the year I was turning 30, something I had been pumped about for years (I’ve always felt like my 30s would be my peak decade,) and it was also the year I was getting married (which truly I never saw coming had you asked me at the beginning of the 2010s.) It was like a Charlie Brown scenario…don’t get too happy cause something is about to come and fuck it all up. And boy did it.

The year started with financial difficulties, my fiancé and I both unemployed, and trying to start a business. While we got the business up and running, we had no sense of direction for it (and are still trying to focus it better to this day) so the income never really got going. On their own, probably not the worst problems in the world, but just as we started to hit our stride, my mom’s husband unexpectedly passed away and everything went topsy turvy.

While traversing the ups and downs of my mom’s grief through those early days we also got dealt the blow of my fiancé’s family dog suddenly taking a turn for the worse and needing to be put down, a fucked up water heater, and having to plan a wedding. It was a lot for everyone involved.

By the time the wedding and honeymoon came, we just wanted it to be over. So what was supposed to be a fun and exciting experience just kind of felt like a burden we were ready to be done with. But I can say, with surprising sincerity since mushy romantic isn’t my style, that this year was only conquerable because I had my husband to weather it with. Someone to vent/cry to or laugh with over how comically wretched things were. There’s no one else I’d rather struggle with.

As we close out 2019, things have slowly started to look up. I got a new job I’ll be starting in the new year (#payingbillsyall,) I started this blog (#passionproject,) and no fights broke out with any of the family at Christmas (#thanksbabyjesus.) Oh don’t worry though, 2019 still had one last fuck you for us with an inconvenient and everlasting bout of strep throat that hit my husband on and off FOR MONTHS. But on the bright side we did find out that you (I) can carry strep, show zero symptoms, and still spread it around like the plague. A thrilling fun fact! Might I suggest these wonderful at home strep tests for those of you prone to such a thing or with little ones? They’re hella helpful.

This year taught me a lot about my own ability to persevere. 2019 knocked me down (and down and down) but I still managed to come out with a lighter spirit than I could have guessed. Everybody loves a comeback (just ask Lisa Kudrow) and I’ve got a lot of goals I’m bringing into 2020 that I can’t wait to tell ya’ll about.

So while I say a big peace out, fuck you, and see ya never to 2019….how was your year? Was it full of opportunity and growth or flooded with fuckery? Or maybe it was a manageable balance of both? Let me know in the comments below!