The Cost of Death
Why is Dying so Expensive and How Can We Grieve Without Going Broke?
Dying is expensive
If you’ve ever had to be the main contact for making funeral plans or were in close proximity to the person who was, you know just how quickly costs build up over everything that goes into funeral planning. There’s burial or cremation. Casket or urn. The plot. Digging up the plot. The actual burial. The service. The grave marker. The wake. And of course every step isn’t a necessity depending on the budget, the wishes of your dearly departed, or the general vibe of those left behind.
But even the most chill of funeral arrangements will likely run you anywhere form $700 - $1,400 for cremation or $1,200 - $1,600 for burial. Call me a bad person but that’s an awful lot of money to spend on someone who, at that point, no longer gives a damn what happens to them.
As of 2019 the average cost of a burial in the United States stood at $9,135 while the “cheaper” option of cremation averaged out at $6,645. The government might help you out with funeral costs to the tune of a whole $255 and I know I don’t need to tell you how laughable that is. The United States funeral industry is estimated as of 2020 to be, annually, a $20 billion (with a B) industry with 2.4 million funerals taking place each year. Death is always in business and therefore the funeral industry is always going to be booming. But why is everything so expensive when it comes to death and what can we do to help cut the cost?
After embalming and big funerals became the trend during the Civil War, funeral homes became the go to for hosting funerals instead of keeping it an at home affair taken care of by the family with the women preparing the body and the men preparing the casket and burial site. But when funeral homes and strangers took over the business of death, the illusion of needing to pay top dollar to prove your love for the deceased became the forefront of funeral planning.
With grieving loved ones left to make the decisions on how best to lay the departed to rest, it’s easy to see how predatory funeral directors could price gouge even the simplest things or make up costs they claim are important to the process. When we are at our most vulnerable and emotional we are supposed to be making large financial decisions? Exactly the opposite scenario we’ve been told our whole lives to make a financial decision in. (If you have a couple minutes, I suggest you watch the Roseanne episode I’ve included below which handles the arrangement planning of death in such a perfect way starting at the 12:30 mark but if you have 20 minutes to spare the whole episode is gold.)
How do these predatory funeral directors get away with it? Easy. With our societal discomfort surrounding death, we so rarely discuss funeral arrangements with someone while they’re alive or do any research into the costs of death and how to make it more affordable until it’s too late and we’re already in the thick of it. If you’re not in your right mind because you’re grieving it’s easy enough to convince you to spend a little more on that urn or casket to show you REALLY love the person who has died. You don’t want people thinking you’re cheap at a time like this…do you??
So what can we do to combat the high costs of the funeral industry? Well first off, do your research while you’re still here! It might be unpleasant to think or talk about you or your loved ones ultimate end but, if I may be frank, you need to get over it. If having the whole funeral shebang is important to you or your loved one, pre plan it. Price shop around to different funeral homes for service costs, burial costs, and plots. Don’t be forced into taking the most convenient (and likely expensive) option just because you’re on a time crunch when your loved one is gone.
If a big funeral isn’t something you care about, check into direct burial or cremation which will forgo the embalming process and help cut down on costs (and give you a greener option if that’s something that is important to you.) You also don’t have to have the service at the funeral home even if they’re going to be responsible for the burial or entombment. You can just as easily pick a restaurant or a family home, someplace that holds some kind of special meaning for the deceased or those left behind and cut your costs dramatically.
Even more surprising, you don’t have to purchase caskets or urns from the funeral home directly. Hell, you can even buy them on Amazon without worrying about the mark-up….that’s what we did for my Pap’s urn and it was significantly cheaper and with more options. They even sell sets of small urns for families who want to each keep some of their loved ones ashes. I highly recommend checking it out.
There are probably people who find it vulgar or distasteful that I would talk about trying to cut costs on funeral planning. Maybe they’re offended at the idea of cheapening a loved ones final rest and to them I say…you are free to spend as much money and time as you want on your funeral planning but that’s just not realistic for everyone. Those left behind still have to go on living and shouldn’t be forced into ridiculous debt just to show how much they loved their family member or friend.
In the end, literally and figuratively, it is up to the family and the wishes of the person who has passed away to decide what they feel is appropriate when it comes to funeral costs. But ultimately, I hope that this has given you something to think about and assured you that there is no one right way to plan a funeral. Maybe it’ll get you talking to your loved ones now about what you or they would like done upon death and if you ask me, a little more openness around death can only be counted as a good thing.
Have you been in the position to plan a funeral while grieving? What was that process like for you? Would you have preferred to have already had it planned before hand? After the initial grief stage did you wish you had done things differently during funeral planning or are you happy with the cost and the way it turned out? Let us know in the comments below!
